Whose Pony Is it Anyway?
by The Zelda Big Macintosh
Summary: Discord hosts an Equestrian version of Whose Line. Wacky games, hilarious jokes and worthless points abound as one of the most popular shows from ABC returns-with twenty percent more ponies!
1. Chapter 1

**TZCN: Whose line parody attempt number three! This one will be twenty percent cooler than the others, though. Let's get on with the hilarity.**

**Scootaloo: The Zelda Chuck Norris owns nothing.**

**TZCN: Thanks, Scoots. Story time!**

**Whose Pony is it Anyway**

**Episode 1 Part 1: Scenes From A Hat**

"Hello, everypony and welcome to 'Whose Pony is it Anyway?'! On tonight's show…" said Discord before the camera panned to four ponies sitting in chairs on the stage.

"Orange as the blazing sun: Applejack!" Discord exclaimed as Applejack smiled and waved to the camera.

"I'm not crazy! It's everypony else that's screwed up: Pinkie Pie!" the draconequus continued as Pinkie Pie did more or less the same thing Applejack had done, albeit with more energy.

"The princess's number one egghead: Twilight Sparkle!" Discord said again as Twilight blew kisses to the audience.

"And, world record for most frequent flier miles: Rainbow Dash!" Discord again yelled out over the roar of the audience. Rainbow simply gave a smirk and thumbs up.

"And I'm your host, Discord! Come on down, let's have some fun!" Discord finished as he walked down from the audience to his desk on the stage and sat in his chair.

"Hey there. Welcome to Whose Pony is it Anyway. The show where everything's made up and the points don't matter. That's right; the points are just like the one lady who thought Derpy was offensive." Discord said, with the audience cheering at the mention of Derpy.

"Anyways, if you've never seen this show before, what happens is these four are gonna act out little skits and games for you here, and then I award points which don't matter. At the end I pick a winner, and the winner gets to do a little something special with me." Discord continued.

The audience hooted as Rainbow Dash raised her eyes suggestively at Discord's last statement.

"Alright, let's start things off with one of my favorite games here on Whose Pony: Scenes from a hat!" Discord said as he pulled a hat that resembled Applejack's from under his desk.

The audience cheered as Applejack, Pinkie, Twilight, and Rainbow got up and went to opposite sides of the stage, Rainbow and Applejack on the left side, Twilight and Pinkie on the right.

"How this game works is before the show, I ask some audience members to write down stuff on these little cards. Stuff they want to see our performers act out. We'll start with…" Discord explains as he pulls a card out of the hat.

"Ponies you wish would just shut up." Discord read from the card.

Rainbow walked up first.

"Oh, Dashie!" she said, altering her voice to sound like Pinkie's.

Rainbow walked back to her spot, and then Twilight walked up a few moments later.

"Ahh! Mud!" the purple unicorn pretends to yell, mimicking Rarity.

Twilight steps back next to Pinkie as Applejack steps forward.

"Blank flank! Blank flank! Blank flank!" the orange farm pony said, raising her voice really high to imitate Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon.

Applejack stepped back as Discord pulled out another card.

"What Rainbow Dash is thinking right now." The draconequus stated.

Rainbow stepped out again.

"I'm glad AJ is standing on this side so I can check out her flank." The blue Pegasus said, making Applejack blush.

Twilight stepped out next.

"Wonderbolts!" she exclaimed, as Rainbow facehoofed. Twilight stepped back and was soon replaced by Applejack.

"I should be the host! I'm twenty percent cooler than anypony!" the orange earth pony said. Rainbow simply nodded. Discord pulled another card out.

"Shippings you hate or would hate to see supported." The king of chaos said.

Twilight stepped out.

"Spike and Rarity." She said before taking her place next to Pinkie Pie.

Applejack walked out next.

"Me and Caramel. Besides, he already has a marefriend." She stated before going back to her spot, with Rainbow replacing her.

"Me and Soarin'. He's with Spitfire anyways." The pegasus said before walking back to her place and nudging Applejack.

Pinkie stepped out a few moments after.

"Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle. I just don't think they click." The pink earth pony explained before taking her place as Discord pulled out another card.

"What we hope happens eventually in the show." he read.

Applejack and Rainbow walked out, and after a few moments of doing nothing, they made out passionately for about thirty seconds before breaking apart and heading back to their spots.

Twilight and Pinkie stepped out and, to the hilarity of many, did the same thing. Discord pulls another card out.

"What we hope never happens in the show." he said.

Rainbow and Pinkie start to walk towards each other but are interrupted by Discord slamming the buzzer several times, indicating the end of the game.

"I don't think we want to go to the "burn their eyeballs out" extreme." Discord explained as the four head back to their seats.

"You said what we don't ever want to see on the show. And nopony wants to see that happen!" Rainbow replied.

"But I never thought-never mind. One thousand worthless points to each of you. We'll be back after this commercial break." Discord ended as the show went to commercial.

**TZCN: Whoo! Got it done!**

**Scootaloo: Haha, that was great!**

**TZCN: Well, I hope you enjoyed, and I hope you'll stay tuned for more chapters. This was fun to write, and I hope it was just as fun to read.**

**Scootaloo: Bye, everypony!**


	2. Chapter 2

**TZCN: Time for more Whose Pony. You may have noticed that I switched out Celestia for Discord. I just think Discord works better. Not to mention it will be easier to make up hoedowns for Rainbow Dash to poke fun at Discord than it would be with Celestia. So, anyways, let's have the disclaimer so we can get this show on the road.**

**Scootaloo: TheZeldaChuckNorris owns nothing. No matter how much he wishes he did so he could screw the rules and make Derpy appear more often.**

**TZCN: Thanks, Scoots. Story time!**

Chapter 2: Episode 1 Part 2

"Welcome back to Whose Pony is it Anyway. Let's continue with a game called Weird Newscasters. This is for all four of you." Discord said as the commercial break ended.

The four ponies got out of their chairs and walked over to their positions. Rainbow was on the right side, Pinkie on the left, and Twilight and Applejack grabbed two stools and set them in the middle.

"How this game works, is these four are going to be acting out a daily news show. Applejack is the anchor, so she's the only normal one. The others have a strange quirk or identity they have to act out. Twilight, you are the co-anchor, and you are, well, yourself, really. You're responding to all the hate about you becoming an alicorn." Discord continued.

Twilight smiled. She would get to tell off all those idiots.

"Pinkie, you're doing the sports. You're a bipolar Rarity." Discord explained, causing laughter from Pinkie, as well as the other performers and the audience.

"And Rainbow, you're doing the weather. Go figure, eh? Anyways, Rainbow, you're doing the weather, and you're a doped up Derpy." Discord explained again, causing Rainbow to give a chuckle.

"Alright, start whenever you hear the music." Discord finished.

The game's intro music played and Applejack began to speak.

"Hello. Welcome to the Equestria Daily News. I'm your anchor, Mite E. Fine." Applejack said, making up a random name.

"Our top story tonight: Twilight Sparkle is a princess! Bronies in an uproar! And here with all the details of this story is Twilight Sparkle herself." Applejack continued.

"Thank you, Mite. Now let me just say something. What the buck is so bad about me becoming an alicorn?! It's just me, but with wings! I'm not having a personality change, I'm not replacing Rainbow Dash or Fluttershy or Derpy r any other popular character with wings. I just have wings now. Besides, wings are cool! Just look at all the ponies who have wings: Rainbow Dash, Scootaloo, Fluttershy, Celestia, Luna, Derpy, Spitfire, Soarin'…wings are not a bad thing. So stop overreacting! You're all going to watch season four just the same, and you'll realize 'Hey, this isn't so bad.'. So just…just stop making such a big deal out of such a small thing! Whew. I better calm down before I shamelessly plug a certain reference into this." Twilight explained, before taking a breath and putting on a face that suggested she hadn't just ranted.

"Thanks you, Twilight. Now, let's go to the sports with Nin Do the tenth." Applejack continued.

"Thanks, Mite. Last night was the Equestria Bowl, with the Dragons victorious against the 09'ers. This left many fans disappointed, including me. Why did the 09'ers have to lose?! They were clearly the better team! I will rip the referee's bucking head off! So with the two thousand twelve through two thousand thirteen season of the EFL over, we can look forward to the two thousand thirteen through two thousand fourteen season. And maybe have a better Equestria Bowl where the right team wins! Back to you, Mite." Pinkie said, using a slight British accent similar to Rarity's, while randomly switching between acting cheery and acting maniacal.

"Thank y'all for that, Nin Do. Now to the weather with Dragon Z. Balls.

"Hehe, thanks, Mite. The weather will be cold, I think. But maybe it'll get warmer. Then-oof! Sorry, I didn't see that there. Anyways-ouch! I didn't mean to-yikes! Sorry, everypony. I just don't know what went wrong." Rainbow Dash said, doing her best to imitate Derpy's voice while pretending to bump into random things.

"Thank you, Dragon. I reckon that's all the time we have tonight. Tune in tomorrow night when hopefully I'll have a better crew." Applejack ended as Discord hit the buzzer a few times.

"Ha ha ha! That was great! One thousand points to Pinkie and Twilight for acting their roles well, and I'll take one thousand from Rainbow for failing." Discord said when the four had returned to their seats.

"Oh well. It's not like they matter anyway." Rainbow answered, earning laughter from everypony.

**TZCN: There we go. And I know I didn't do too well with Rainbow acting as Derpy, but bear with me. It was late when I wrote this and my brain was only semi awake.**

**Scootaloo: Still, good job though.**

**TZCN: Thanks, Scoots. I just hope the readers think the same thing.**

**Scootaloo: So, those one-shots about all the MLP: FIM… pairings you support. The ones you told Silver Azure about.**

**TZCN: What about them?**

**Scootaloo: Do Apple Bloom and I get one?**

**TZCN: Of course. Why would I forget my favorite pairing?**

**Scootaloo: Yay! Thank you so much!**

**TZCN: No problem. But we should probably wrap this up. This is quite long for a footnote.**

**Scootaloo: You're probably right. Bye, everypony!**


	3. Chapter 3

**TZBM: Time for more Whose Pony. This is gonna be a good one.**

**Scootaloo: The Zelda Big Macintosh owns nothing.**

**TZBM: Thanks, Scoots. Story time~**

Chapter 1 Part 3: Questions Only

"Welcome back to Whose Pony is it Anyway. I'm Discord, and if you wanna see a magic trick, I'll need a mare from the audience and about twenty minutes." Discord said as the show continued.

"Ha ha. Twenty minutes." Rainbow mocked.

"Ha ha. Mare." Pinkie added.

"Anyway, let's move on to a game called Questions Only. This is for all four of you." Discord continued, ignoring the mares' comments.

The four actors trotted over to the places they had been in for Scenes From a Hat.

"Rainbow and Pinkie, you're going to start. What happens in this game is they can only speak in questions, and if they don't, or they take too long to think of one, I'll buzz them out. It's sort of a contest to see who can stay up there the longest. So, Rainbow and Pinkie, start whenever you're ready." Discord explained as Rainbow and Pinkie stepped out to the middle of the stage.

"Sup?" Rainbow started.

"Are you gay?" Pinkie replied.

"Did you watch Scenes From a Hat?" Rainbow retorted.

"Didn't you see me across from you?" Pinkie fired back.

"Weren't we about to kiss?" Rainbow questioned.

"I think so." Pinkie answered, before being buzzed off and replaced with Twilight.

"Were you about to kiss her?" Twilight asked.

"Don't you know I already have a marefriend?" Rainbow returned.

"Is she that hot orange earth pony behind you?" Twilight asked again.

"Back off!" Rainbow exclaimed. She was buzzed of and replace by Applejack.

"Y'all comin' on to me?" the orange mare asked.

"Can't you realize I was joking?" Twilight answered.

"Sounded serious to me." Applejack replied, before the buzzer rang and Rainbow replaced her.

"What did you say to her?" Rainbow questioned, pretending to be angry.

"Chill out!" Twilight retorted. She was buzzed out and Pinkie came back up.

"Back to the beginning, huh?" the pink mare asked.

"Who are you again?" Rainbow replied.

"Do you really want to start this again?" Pinkie answered.

"Do you?" Rainbow shot back.

Pinkie was interrupted from replying by Discord hitting the buzzer a few times.

"You girls kill me. One thousand points to Applejack, two thousand to Pinkie, four thousand to Twilight, and eight thousand to Rainbow. We'll be right back so don't go away!" Discord said before another string od commercials started.

**TZBM: There we go. Next chapter is the end of episode one and one of my favorite games of all time from Whose Line. Stay tuned.**

**Scootaloo: Bye, everypony!**


	4. Chapter 4

**TZBM: Time for a much requested game. The verses I used for Discord and Rainbow Dash were thought up by Silver Azure, who has his own MLP/Whose Line story, so be sure to check it out. Now, let's go disclaimer.**

**Scootaloo: The Zelda Big Macintosh owns nothing!**

**TZBM: Thanks, Scoots. Story time!**

Episode 1 Part 4: Hoedown

"Welcome back to Whose Pony, everypony. Tonight's winner is Twilight Sparkle!" Discord announced upon the show's return. The camera showed Twilight at Discord's desk.

"The rest of us are going to be doing our favorite game here on Whose Pony: Hoedown! Now we need, from the audience, a suggestion of somewhere to spend Hearts and Hooves Day with your Special Somepony." Discord continued.

Several ponies shouted out suggestions such as Sugarcube Corner or Octavia's Note, but ultimately, Discord heard one he liked.

"I heard beach! That works. Let's do the beach hoedown with the help of Berry Punch on the piano. Take it away Berry Punch." Discord finished as Berry began to play. The order from stage right to left is Pinkie, Discord, Applejack, and then Rainbow.

"_Well I love the beach, it's really really fun._

_I love swimming and getting lots of sun._

_The feeling of the sea air just makes me wanna fly._

_Maybe next Hearts and Hooves day, I'll bring along Twi!"_

"_Oh I love the beach, I think going there is grand._

_There's is nothing that can beat a little surf and sand._

_But my last trip there was really kind of wack._

_Because Granny Smith made me rub sunscreen on her back!"_

"_Cheerilee took the class on a field trip to the beach._

_Everypony seemed to behave just like a peach._

_But some colts ended up dead because they did stare._

_Now everypony knows not to mess with Big Mac's mare!"_

"_I went to the beach just the other day._

_I was really hammered, what can I say?_

_I scored with somepony, it didn't feel so wrong._

_But when I came to, I found out it was Discord in a thong!"_

_ "Discord in a thooooooooooooong!" _everypony else echoed, with Discord giving Rainbow the finger while hiding it behind Applejack.

"Thank you all for watching Whose Pony! We'll see you all nest time! Good night!" Discord said as the credits started rolling.

**TZBM: Whew. Finally got this uploaded.**

**Scootaloo: Oh my Celestia! I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard.**

**TZMB: Thanks, Scoots. But remember, credit for Rainbow Dash and Discord's verses goes to Silver Azure. Pinkie's and Applejack's are all me, though.**

**Scootaloo: Bye everypony!**


End file.
